i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
