He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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