dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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