he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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