No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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