Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
