I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
