I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
