just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
