I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
