last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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