My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
