I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
