at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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