I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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