my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
