we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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