So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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