hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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