He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
