i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
