Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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