Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
