I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
