it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
