im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
