like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
