Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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