I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
