Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
