the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This baby is an asshole
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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