We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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