Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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