mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
