Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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