we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
