I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
