she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
