I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
