I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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