That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
