My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
