i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
