Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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