the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
