I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
