We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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