I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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