I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
