turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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