omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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