she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
