This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
